Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Forgot some blessings...




You know...today at work, I was just tired and didn't want to be there. I was updating my blog on my break, and just was feeling kind of blah...I completely forgot about some wonderful little blessings until I was uploading photos from the past few days. I forgot that Katie picked out a big ol' bumpy pumpkin at the Pumpkin Patch for Missions, and I forgot how nice it was to light the fireplace for the first time last night. I just wanted to add that here, because those...the little things...are so incredibly important.

16 weeks!

Not too much new to report today. I met with the dietician, and she taught me how to count carbs so that my blood sugar levels will even out. Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment, will hopefully hear the heartbeat with the doppler again...I've been kind of 'crampy" this week, so it will be a big relief to hear it. I think I have just been a little stressed...not sure why. We still have 24 weeks to go until we meet our sweet baby, but I am just so anxious to get the room ready. After we find out what we are having on November 7th, I will definitely be getting started on the room. We are trying to get Katie's new room cleared out so we can paint and re-do trim and doors, then we'll start on the babies room (Katie's old room).



Bobby and MaryAnn will be having their baby on Friday if she doesn't go on her own by then. We're all so excited to meet little Trey! I can't wait to hold him.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

15 Weeks!

http://www.ehd.org/science_imagegal_4.php#12to16

Click the link above and scroll down to the middle of the page, there is an amazing 4D of a baby the same age as ours! So precious! I can't believe I have one of those miracles growing in ME!

We are 15 weeks this week, and suddenly, I feel ok about this pregnancy. There is something in me that just kind of relaxed this week, kind of like an internal sigh of relief. I have been so nervous and scared up to this point...just continuously worrying about the possibility of having to grieve again.

Pregnancy stuff coming up...
Friday, 19th-Meet with dietician
Wednesday, 24th-see Dr.
Thursday, 1st-lab tests-triple screen for Down's Syndrome
Wednesday, 7th-sonogram to see if we are having a daughter or son! :o)

Please keep praying for our little one!

Monday, October 15, 2007

A lot has happened since last Monday...

Anita had her baby on Monday, October 8th at 3:18 pm! He weighed 8.54 lbs and has dark hair. He decided to arrive on his own! Katie and I jumped in the car and drove to KC to see them. It was so nice to be there and see him and see Anita. Aiden is precious--just the sweetest little guy in the world! Mama did great-I knew she would!

Tuesday I took Katie to karate, and when I got home, I was super-ill...fever, vomiting, the whole nine yards...I felt awful. The next morning I went to go see the doctor, because I was really worried about the fever. She wanted to admit me to the hospital for fluids, but I promised I would drink and rest if she let me go home. She did a sonogram in the office to check baby, and baby is fine...great heartbeat, and I was able to see those precious arms and legs! She did a strep test, and it was positive...I had no idea that strep throat was the culprit...It really did me in, I felt terrible until Friday afternoon when the antibiotics finally kicked in. We scheduled our sonogram for Wednesday, November 7! We're so excited to find out what we're having-it's like another wonderful level of happiness! We're 15 weeks this week! Yay!

This weekend Kris cleaned and stained the new swingset. I think Katie is going to love it when it gets finished! It is looking really nice. Kris has worked so hard on it...he is a great dad!

Monday, October 08, 2007

14 weeks this week!

We saw the doctor last week, and she has decided to take an average between the day that our sonogram indicated we were due, and the date of my last cycle...so rather than 13 weeks tomorrow, we're calculated to be at 14 weeks. We were able to hear the heartbeat again, and it was such a beautiful sound! We also found out that we will be having the sonogram to determine whether we are having a boy or girl on November 8th-just a month away! I am so excited! It will be wonderful to be able to start collecting things in colors besides yellow and white! Doctor is a little bit concerned about my blood sugar, so she is having me take several tests and check my blood sugar. I'm feeling a little better, and starting to have little bursts of energy here and there...those are nice.

We had MaryAnn's baby shower this weekend, and it went well. We also moved our garage sale find of the century (an amazing swingset and fort for Katie) into our backyard. I didn't get a lot of other things accomplished this weekend.

Anita's baby is coming on Friday! I'm so excited for her! :o) Yay!

Monday, October 01, 2007

12 weeks this week!

http://www.kewego.com/video/iLyROoaft2Jb.html

Check out this amazing 4D Ultrasound of a baby the same age as ours! I am just completely in awe of how amazing it is! I'm really hoping the next trimester will bring some energy. I have been so tired this first trimester. I don't remember being this tired with Katie.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Adding to Katie's Christmas list...

I have decided that I am going to keep track of all of the Christmas ideas floating around in my head right here...so I know where they are. Kris and I were talking about Katie's list, and he wants to add a bb gun and UNO Attack game....sounds to me like he wants to get a bunch of Katie's gifts for himself! :o)

Today I brought Roger Whitaker with me to work, and I tell you, there is nothing like his voice to bring about Christmas memories. I know I am just crazy, thinking about Christmas so much, but I love it, I can't help myself.

I think Katie is spending the night with Mom tonight. Dad is going to a rendezvous so Katie is going to go hang out with Mom and get ALL of the attention! She loves that. I think that might be her favorite thing ever, hanging out with her Grandma. I think I am going to scrapbook...possibly. The house is a disaster, so I should probably clean, but I would really like to scrapbook. It's the only thing I can think of to do that doesn't cost money, because I already have everything I need to do it.

Baby notes-My friend Anita is expecting little Aiden any day now...I am so excited for them! She is going to be an awesome mom!

We have a doctor appointment next Thursday, I can't wait!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

craziness!

The last 24 hours has been: craziness. Kris left for Emporia yesterday, and I realized that I had sent the wrong bank card with him. He had hardly any cash, no other credit cards, and no checks. I called him a bunch of times to figure out what to do. He ended up borrowing some $ from a friend, and is driving home today as scheduled. Katie got home from daycare yesterday, went to the neighbors to play for a few minutes, and came home saying her legs hurt and she was cold. I took her temperature, and it was 102.4! She had a fever for most of the evening...bless her heart. She was achy and just didn't feel good. This morning, at 5:45 am, Maddie was in the back yard for her bathroom break, she escaped out of the fence, and I had to chase her down in my pj's. She still didn't come to me, so I finally went back inside. She finally came when Katie offered her some cheese. Then I spanked her bottom and put her in her crate. I tell you, I don't think things are working out with her. I am so stressed about her all of the time. I worry that our home has doggie odor and it won't be clean for the baby, I worry that she is not out of her crate enough, I don't trust her to be in the house at all anymore. It's so frustrating. I am not sure what to do. Ok-vent over. I just needed to get my frustrations out.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

It's 3 months until Christmas!




Yay! My favorite season is almost here! In fact, I know I am insane, but I have a yummy spice candle burning, and my Chet Atkins-East Tennessee Christmas cd playing right now here at work. It's cloudy today, not too warm, and I love it.

Kris left for Emporia for a training for work, so I think Katie and are going to just have an easy dinner (probably Mac-n-cheese, carrots, and mini corndogs) and spend some time together. She has karate tonight too, she loves it so much! Her favorite thing to do these days is draw pictures for me. She sits at the bar while I clean the kitchen, cook dinner, or whatever, and asks me what I would like her to draw. It's amazing-she's seven-but she can draw almost anything in incredible detail. She's gifted, I tell you! I will try and scan some of her most recent ones to add here later.

We are 11 weeks pregnant, according to the ultrasound, today. It's hard to think that just a couple weeks ago, I thought I was already this far along. I think next week will finally feel like we are making progress through the pregnancy. I had Kris take some pictures of me this morning, just to compare later as I get bigger, and have some photos from my pregnancy. I only have 2 pictures of being pregnant with Katie...I wish I had more. I am so glad I have a good camera for this baby. I want to make sure to take lots of pictures during labor and right after delivery. I have very few from Katie's birth. We only had a film camera back then, so the digital will be nice to have.

I have been thinking about Christmas gifts, and this year will be the most financially limited that we have ever been, because we no longer use credit cards. Every year I go overboard and have a huge credit card bill. This year, we will be using a little bonus that Kris will get in December. We have to buy all the presents with just that money, because our budget is so tight each payday. We would like to get a Wii for Katie, and had bought a game bundle with an extra controller a long time ago to go with it. I think she'll also be getting Little House on the Prairie-Season 2 DVD's. Both of those are kind of family presents, that we will all enjoy. I would like to get some things for the baby, because by Christmas we should know what we're having! :o) I think Katie would like to open the presents for the baby, just for fun. She wants the Barbie with a horse at Wal-Mart, and she also would like the Littlest Pet Shop Guard Dog Diary...so we will see on those things...I might try and buy one of those little gifts each payday within the next 3 months.

We continue to pray for Tim and Trina Holsinger. He was moved to a rehabilitation center in Nebraska this week. If you go to caringbridge.org you can type in his full name with no spaces and read Trina's amazing testimony and updates on Tim. I read it everyday, and Trina has been such an inspiration. She has an amazing faith, and God is working through her to minister to everyone who reads it. She shared this verse today:
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God;Trust also in me.-Jesus
John 14:1

I think that's all for now. Sorry so rambly today---lots going on in my brain!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I'm so blessed.

Yesterday, Katie and I had such a rough morning, she couldn't find her shoes, I lost my temper, and we both ended up in tears. It was just difficult.

This morning, as I type this, she is sleeping peacefully in our bed. With Kris working overnight, she usually sleeps with me on those nights. Last night, I asked her one more time if she could forgive me for losing my temper, and once again, she reminded me of what Christ's love is like for us. She said, "of course I do, Mom, I'll always forgive you." That's how Christ loves us-never-ending, constantly forgiving, always faithful, never forsaking us if we belong to him. Sometimes I need to remind myself to actively accept his forgiveness and grace. There is nothing I can do to earn it-nothing in this whole world can buy that grace and love that He gives. It's truely amazing what a free and wonderful gift that is.

I am so blessed to have that beautiful daughter in the other room, and another tiny one on the way. I am so blessed to have a husband that loves God, never abuses me, always loves and forgives me (and is handsome too!). I am blessed to have a safe home, reliable vehicles, a good job, so many things...huge things...that I take for granted sometimes. Lord, please help me be thankful.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Fall Goodies!

Memories of fall…
Making pumpkin cut-out sugar cookies w/Mom, our scarecrow-“Maynard”, dressing up like a hobo when we couldn’t think of anything else, winning the $1 first prize for my gumball machine costume that mom and dad stayed up late working on, having fall parties, with bonfires, spooky hay rides, and peeled grapes for eyeballs, popcorn balls, caramel apples, mom’s wonderful fall decorating with pumpkins, corn stalks, and fall leaves, good smelling candles, carving pumpkins with Dad...just a few of my favorite memories of fall...

And some pumpkin-y goodness recipes for fall (collected from a wonderful thread on Two Peas)

Pumpkin Recipes:

Pumpkin & Apple Soup with Roasted Black Walnuts
I originally tried this recipe a few years ago, but this particular recipe was just in the Ontario LCBO Food & Drink magazine. 1/4 cup butter 3 cups chopped onion 6 cups chopped pumpkin or squash 2 cups peeled and chopped Spy or Granny Smith apples 1 tsp brown sugar pinch cinnamon pinch allspice 1 tsp salt 5 cups vegetable stock or water salt and freshly ground pepper 2 tbsp roasted black (or regular) walnuts fresh sage leaves In a large pot, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the onion and cook until softened, about 3 minutes. Add the pumpkin and apples and cook until softened, another 3 minutes. Add the brown sugar and spices, then pour in the stock and simmer 30 minutes. Meanwhile, roast walnuts in a 350F oven for 5-6 minutes. Watch carefully, as they burn fast. Remove from heat, blend until smooth. Season to taste with salt and pepper. To garnish, grill or pan sear some apple slices and add roasted walnuts and sprig of sage. I have never done it, but it would be great to serve pumpkin soup in a hollowed out pumpkin.

SPICED PUMPKIN PANCAKES
1 1/4 cups unbleached all purpose flour 3 tablespoons sugar 2 teaspoons baking powder 1 1/4 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice 3/4 teaspoon salt 1 1/3 cups whole milk 3/4 cup canned pure pumpkin 4 large eggs, separated 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted 1 teaspoon vanilla extract Vegetable oil Maple syrup Whisk first 5 ingredients in large bowl to blend. Whisk milk, pumpkin, egg yolks, melted butter and vanilla in medium bowl to blend well. Add pumpkin mixture to dry ingredients; whisk just until smooth (batter will be thick). Using electric mixer, beat egg whites in another medium bowl until stiff but not dry. Fold whites into batter in 2 additions. Brush large nonstick skillet with oil; heat over medium heat. Working in batches, pour batter by 1/3 cupfuls into skillet. Cook until bubbles form on surface of pancakes and bottoms are brown, about 1 1/2 minutes per side. Repeat with remaining batter, brushing skillet with oil between batches. Serve with syrup. Makes about 12.

Pumpkin Sour Cream Tarts
Crust: 1 3-oz. softened cream cheese 1 cup flour Filling: 1 egg 1/2 cup canned pumpkin 1/3 cup sugar 1/4 cup dairy sour cream 1 TBS. milk 1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice Chill crust about 1 hour. Shape into 1 inch balls. Press into bottom and up sides of mini-muffin tins. Fill with 1 rounded teaspoon of filling. Bake 25-30 minutes at 350ºF. Cool slightly in pan. Serve with dollop of whipped cream.
Praline Pumpkin Pie 1-15oz can of pumpkin 1-12oz can evaporated milk 3 eggs 1 cup sugar 4 tsp. pumpkin pie spice 1 pkg Betty Crocker super moist white cake mix 1 1/2 cups chopped pecans or walnuts 3/4 cup melted butter or margarine Heat oven to 350. Grease bottom and sides of 13x9 pan. Stir pumpkin, ev. milk, eggs sugar and pumpkin pie spice until smooth. Pour into pan. Sprinkle dry cake mix over pumpkin mixture. Sprinkle with pecans. Pour melted butter evenly over top. (Try to cover all of the dry cake mix. You can use more butter if you need to.) sprinkle with pecans. Bake 50-60 minutes or until knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool about 1 1/2 hours before serving.

Pumpkin Bars
2 C. sugar 1 C. Oil 2 C. pumpkin(15 oz can) 4 eggs 2 C. Flour 2 tsp baking powder 1 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp salt 2 tsp cinnamon mix together sugar, oil, pumpkin and eggs in big bowl. In seperate bowl mix the dry ingredients. Add the dry to the wet and mix until combined. Bake in greased 10x15 jellyroll pan(I use the PC stone) at 350 for 25 minutes. When cooled frost with: 1 8oz pkg cream cheese, softened 6T butter, softened 1 tsp milk 1 tsp vanilla 1 3/4 C. powdered sugar mix all until smooth

Pumpkin Polka Dot Cupcakes
Ingredients: 1/2 cup (4 oz.) cream cheese, softened 1 large egg 2 tablespoons granulated sugar 2/3 cup NESTLÉ TOLL HOUSE Semi-Sweet Chocolate Mini Morsels 1 pkg. (16 oz.) pound cake mix 1 cup LIBBY'S 100% Pure Pumpkin 1/3 cup water 2 large eggs 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice 1 teaspoon baking soda Directions: PREHEAT oven to 325° F. Grease or paper-line 18 muffin cups. BEAT cream cheese, egg and granulated sugar in small mixer bowl until smooth. Stir in morsels. Set aside. COMBINE cake mix, pumpkin, water, eggs, pumpkin pie spice and baking soda in large mixer bowl; beat on medium speed for 3 minutes. Pour batter into prepared muffin cups, filling 3/4 full. Spoon about 1 tablespoon topping over batter. BAKE for 25 to 30 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans on wire racks for 10 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

Harvest Muffins
1 3/4 cup flour 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/2 tsp ginger 1 tsp. cinnamon 1/8 tsp. cloves 1/2 cup sugar 1/4 tsp. salt 1/4 tsp. baking powder 1 tsp baking soda Mix all of the above in a large bowl. 2 large eggs 1 stick butter, melted 1 cup canned pumpkin 1 bag butterscotch chips In smaller bowl, whisk together eggs, pumpkin, and butter. Stir in butterscotch chips. Por into dry ingredients. Fold just until moistened. Bake at 350 degrees 20 minutes for large or 12 minutes for mini muffins.

Golden Pumpkin Bars
1 yellow cake mix ¼ c. vegetable oil 4 eggs ½ c. chopped pecans 1-16 oz can solid-pack pumpkin 1-14 oz can sweetened condensed milk 1 tsp almond extract 1 tsp cinnamon ¼ tsp nutmeg ½ tsp salt Preheat oven to 350 (325 for glass). Reserve ½ cup cake mix. In large bowl, combine remaining mix, oil, and 1 egg. Beat until crumbly. Stir in nuts. Press firmly into bottom of greased 13x9 baking pan. Combine remaining ingredients – including the ½ cup reserved cake mix. Mix well, pour over prepared crust in pan. Bake 50 minutes or until set. Cool. Cut into bars.
Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cakes
Recipe courtesy Paula Deen Show: Paula's Home Cooking Episode: Thanksgiving Cake: 1 (18 1/4-ounce) package yellow cake mix 1 egg 8 tablespoons butter, melted Filling: 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened 1 (15-ounce) can pumpkin 3 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla 8 tablespoons butter, melted 1 (16-ounce) box powdered sugar 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1 teaspoon nutmeg Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. To make the cake: Combine all of the ingredients and mix well with an electric mixer. Pat the mixture into the bottom of a lightly greased 13 by 9-inch baking pan. Prepare filling. To make the filling: In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese and pumpkin until smooth. Add the eggs, vanilla, and butter, and beat together. Next, add the powdered sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and mix well. Spread pumpkin mixture over cake batter and bake for 40 to 50 minutes. Make sure not to overbake as the center should be a little gooey. Serve with fresh whipped cream.

CREAMY PUMPKIN SOUP
3 slices bacon, diced 1 large onion, chopped 1 large carrot, shredded 1 (13-3/4 oz.) can chicken broth 2 cups half and half 1 (16 oz.) can solid-pack pumpkin 1/2 tsp. salt 1/4 tsp. ground white pepper 1/4 cup sour cream Cook bacon til crisp. Remove with slotted spoon, set aside. Add onion and carrot to bacon drippings in pan. Cook 4 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add broth, simmer, uncovered 10 minutes. Transfer to food processor or blender, process until smooth. Return to saucepan, stir in half and half, pumpkin, salt and pepper. Bring to a simmer, do not boil. Pour into soup bowls, top with reserved bacon and sour cream.

Pumpkin Bars
2C. Flour 2t Baking Powder 2t ground cinnamon 1t baking soda 1t salt 4 beaten eggs 1 16oz. can pumpkin 1 1/2 C sugar 1 C Oil Stir first 5 ingredients together. Combine egg, pumpkin, sugar & oil, beat until well mixed, add dry ingredients. Spread into ungreased 9 x 13 pan, Bake 350 for 25-30 mins. Cool Frosting (Double this) 1 3oz. package cream cheese 1/4 C butter 1t vanilla 2c sifted powdered sugar Mix first 3 ingredients, add powdered sugar for right consistency. (I usually add a little warm water or milk to mine) This is best if refrigerated but I like mine cold. These are delicious, easy to make, and are a holiday favorite.

Pumpkin Apple Streusel Muffins
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 2 cups granulated sugar 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 1/4 cups LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin 2 large eggs 1/4 cup vegetable oil 2 cups apples, peeled, cored and finely chopped 1/4 cup granulated sugar 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 2 tablespoons butter or magarine For Muffins: Preheat oven to 350º F. Grease or paper-line 24 muffin cups. Combine flour, sugar, pumpkin pie spice, baking soda and salt in large bowl. Combine pumpkin, eggs and vegetable oil in medium bowl; mix well. Stir into flour mixture just until moistened. Stir in apples. Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups, filling 3/4 full. For Struesel Topping: Combine sugar, flour and cinnamon in medium bowl. Cut in butter with pastry blender or two knives until mixture is crumbly. Sprinkle over muffin batter. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans for 5 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool slightly.

PUMPKIN CREAM TRIFLE
1 box (18 ¼ ounces) spice cake mix 1 box (3.4 ounces) instant vanilla pudding mix 1 cup canned pumpkin ½ cup water ½ cup vegetable oil 3 eggs 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon ½ teaspoon ground ginger 2 cups cold milk 2 boxes (3.4 ounces each) instant cheesecake pudding mix—Jello makes this flavor 2 cups Cool Whip 1 cup chopped pecans, toasted ¾ cup English toffee bits In a large bowl, combine first eight ingredients. Transfer to a greased 9 x 13 inch baking pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 45-50 minutes. Let cook on a wire rack. In another large bowl, whisk the milk and pudding mixes for 2 minutes. Let stand for 2 minutes to soft set. Gently fold in Cool Whip. Cut cake into 1” cubes. In a trifle bowl, layer 1/3 of the cake cubes, pudding mixture, pecans and toffee bits. Repeat layers twice. Refrigerate 2 hours before serving.

Downeast Maine Pumpkin Bread
INGREDIENTS 1 (15 ounce) can pumpkin puree 4 eggs 1 cup vegetable oil 2/3 cup water 3 cups white sugar 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking soda 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour three 7x3 inch loaf pans. In a large bowl, mix together pumpkin puree, eggs, oil, water and sugar until well blended. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and ginger. Stir the dry ingredients into the pumpkin mixture until just blended. Pour into the prepared pans. Bake for about 50 minutes in the preheated oven. Loaves are done when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.




Pumpkin Bars
Note: These are cake-like and moist in texture rather than firmer, denser or with a crust and topping like other bar-type desserts. 2 cups sugar 1 cup butter (2 sticks), room temp. 2 cups canned pumpkin (one 15-oz. can) 4 eggs, room temp. 2 cups flour 2 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. each cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, ginger, ground cloves 1/2 tsp. salt Preheat oven to 350. Lightly grease a 15 X 10 1/2 X 1 pan. Sift flour, baking soda, spices, and salt together; set aside. Cream butter and sugar until smooth. Add pumpkin and eggs; beat until smooth. Add dry ingredients and mix until well combined. Spread mixture into pan. Bake for about 20-25 minutes until cake springs back when touched or toothpick comes out clean. Cool completely and frost. Icing: 3 oz. cream cheese, room temp. 1 stick butter, room temp. 1 tsp. vanilla 1 tsp. orange zest (optional) 2 cups powdered sugar Beat together until smooth.

Pumpkin Pound Cake
2 1/2 cups sugar 1 cup vegetable oil 3 large eggs 2 tsp baking soda 3 cups all purpose flour 1 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp nutmeg 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 (generous!) tsp cloves 1 15 oz can pumpkin Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large mixing bowl blend sugar and oil. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Combine all dry ingredients; add to egg mixture alternately with pumpkin. Mix to combine. Pour mixture into a well greased 12 cup fluted pan (bundt pan) and bake for 60-65 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan. Cool completely on a wire rack and dust with confectioners sugar.

Pumpkin Cream Chesse Muffins
INGREDIENTS
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons brown sugar

4 1/2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
5 tablespoons white sugar
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons chopped pecans

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups white sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 1/3 cups canned pumpkin
1/3 cup olive oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease and flour 18 muffin cups, or use paper liners.
To make the filling: In a medium bowl, beat cream cheese until soft. Add egg, vanilla and brown sugar. Beat until smooth, then set aside.
For the streusel topping: In a medium bowl, mix flour, sugar, cinnamon and pecans. Add butter and cut it in with a fork until crumbly. Set aside.
For the muffin batter: In a large bowl, sift together flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. Make a well in the center of flour mixture and add eggs, pumpkin, olive oil and vanilla. Beat together until smooth.
Place pumpkin mixture in muffin cups about 1/2 full. Then add one tablespoon of the cream cheese mixture right in the middle of the batter. Try to keep cream cheese from touching the paper cup. Sprinkle on the streusel topping.
Bake at 375 degrees F (195 degrees C) for 20 to 25 minutes.

PUMPKIN GINGERBREAD TRIFLE
Source: Paula Deen 2 pkg. (14 oz. each) gingerbread mix 1 (5.1 oz.) pkg. cook & serve vanilla pudding mix 1 (30 oz.) can pumpkin pie filling 1/2 cup packed brown sugar 1/3 tsp. ground cardamom or cinnamon 1 (12 oz.) container frozen Cool Whip topping, thawed 1/2 cup gingersnaps, crushed (optional) Bake gingerbread according to pkg. directions; cool completely. Meanwhile, prepare the pudding and set aside to cool. Stir pumpkin pie filling, sugar, and cardamom into the pudding. Crumble one batch gingerbread into bottom of a large pretty glass bowl or punch bowl. Pour 1/2 of the pudding mixture over the gingerbread, then add a layer of Cool Whip. Repeat with the remaining gingerbread, pudding, and Cool Whip. Sprinkle over the top with crushed gingersnaps, if desired. Refrigerate. (Instead of the cook and serve pudding I use two small pkgs of instant french vanilla pudding. Also, to save money I have made my own gingerbread from a recipe instead of the box mixes. )

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

10 weeks (really, this time!)


We have made it to 10 weeks today-according to the sonogram calculations! Yay! I found this picture yesterday, it's a 3-d (maybe 4-d), at the bbc news website. I hope it's ok that I attach their photo here....look at this it's really so amazing! This is what our baby looks like at 10 weeks! These kind of photos just make it so real. This pregnancy has been such a roller-coaster, and I think I am finally settling down and starting to have some peace. I can't believe we get to take care of another baby like Katie again. She was so amazing and beautiful, and wonderful, and wow-just a piece of heaven...I can't believe we're blessed to do it again!

Monday, September 10, 2007

Our baby is ok!


Oh my gosh, I can't even believe it. Kris called Dr.'s office on Friday, to see what the blood test results were. They had to check and call us back. The nurse called back and said that my hormones were "high" so they wanted me to go to the hospital on Monday for a better sonogram. Kris told them that we couldn't possibly wait until Monday, because we were already so devestated. She called and got us in for Friday. We went to the hospital and the technician decided to do a belly sonogram first. She found it immediately! We were able to see the head and bottom, and most importantly, the beating heart (172 bpm)! We are so incredibly relieved, shocked, amazed, and just downright happy-we feel so blessed! We are not as far along as I had calculated, but the technician said that's really common for ladies whose cycles are irregular. On Friday, we were 8 weeks and 3 days along. Our new due date is April 15th-so 4 days before Katie's birthday! She is thrilled. Her faith was unwaivering-the entire time I was so incredibly heartbroken and sad-she kept saying that she knew there had to be a baby in there. There is! We are thrilled!

Friday, September 07, 2007

heartbroken.

I am heartbroken...again. We had a sonogram to check on everything with our pregnancy yesterday, and there is nothing there. No baby, no sac, no placenta, nothing at all. All three pregnancy tests that I took were false positives, I guess. I really don't understand it. I am trying so hard to keep trusting God. It is so difficult. I really would like my faith to grow stronger, but I don't understand why this has to be the way to go about it. I really just don't understand. I had another blood test yesterday, and I am supposed to call today to find out where my hormone levels are at, and at that point she will decide what to do next, I guess. My emotions have been completely out of control for the past 15 hours since we found out. I guess I am happy that if there never was a baby there, then that probably means no baby had to die. Kris and Katie have been so excited, and we had been so happy that we had made it this far along, without complications. Our parents are going to be so sad, we've already told so many people, because we thought for sure we were almost finished with the 1st trimester. I've had morning sickness, tiredness, everything...and it was all just my imagination. I feel so foolish, and I know people will talk about my foolishness. This is so incredibly difficult. I am just so sad, not really for me, but for Katie and Kris. They wanted this baby so badly, and were both so excited. Kris thought it was a boy, Katie wanted a girl, and I really didn't care, I just wanted a baby. We had already picked out names, Kooper James, or Asher, and Klaire. We had already made plans for the room, for so many things. I really wish I could have found out sooner that there was nothing there, just to save everyone from being so sad. It seems like everyday that went by, we got more attached and excited. We talked about it constantly. All day yesterday, and really, I've kind of had it in the back of my mind the whole time, that there would be nothing there. I guess God was preparing me for it. Even the day that I took the pregnancy tests, it crossed my mind, because I read about perimenopausal women testing false positive. I am just still so sad. I should have heeded those warnings and been less naive. I feel very foolish for falling head over heals in love with someone who was never even there.

I think I am going to have to contact Dr. Miller when he recovers from heart problems and have my tubes tied. I just can't go through this, or put my family through this anymore. It's not fair to anyone, really. I have be to be pro-active, and take care of things to spare our family more disappointment.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Yellow Belt!


Katie received her yellow belt in karate last night. We are so proud of her! She really is enjoying karate, and we are happy to have her in something that is so good for her. We're proud of you, Sis!
In other news with our sweet pea-she has accepted Jesus into her heart and had asked our pastor a couple of weeks ago when she could be baptized, and she told him she wanted to do it "right away!" so she will be being baptized this Sunday evening. She wrote her testimony for Kris to read during her baptism:
"I want to be baptized because I do believe in God and that I want to be sure about God. I believe that God is powerful and strong. I know Heaven is good, and I want to go there. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and he lives in my heart."
Aren't those beautiful words coming from a 7 year old-wow-she amazes me sometimes! She really does have a child-like faith that Kris and I need to learn from every day!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

11 weeks and rolling right along!

We are 11 weeks pregnant today! Yay! We've made it two weeks further than in our last pregnancy. We saw the doctor last week, and I'm seeing her again this Thursday. She wants to really monitor my blood sugar closely. She said she would do a sonogram this week, just to make sure baby's ok, and my due date is accurate. My due date, by the way, is March 25th! Katie really wanted it to be born in April like her, and chances are, she may get her wish. Katie was born 9 days after she was due, and that was because we MADE her come out by induction! She weighed 9#2oz...big, big, baby girl...I can only imagine what a boy would weigh!

This morning I was feeling a little stressed, about finances, our disorganized home, about our baby being ok. Thankfully, Kris reminded me to pray and read the Bible. These are the verses that the Lord led me to today, and I wanted to share them here.

1 Peter 5:7-9ish
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. RESIST HIM, standing firm in the FAITH...

How appropriate and comforting is that? I was so anxious--about everything, but I had not prayed or read the Bible. God is good, all the time, and ALL the time, God is good.

We're still praying for Tim Holsinger. He continues to make progress from his head injuries sustained while in a motorcycle accident.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

21 years!


We've been friends for 21 years-Anita and I! Look at these two pretty mama's! I'm just amazed at how fast time has gone by since we met in the 6th grade! This weekend was Nita's baby shower in Lenexa. We had a really nice time visiting and catching up. She has about a month to go before she has little Aiden! Can't wait for her to experience the amazing joy that a newborn baby brings!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

I have a little something to share...


We're expecting! According to my calculations, we are due sometime around the end of March! We are so excited! We feel so incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to add a little one to our family! I see the doctor next week. I actually had a doctor visit scheduled for yesterday, but had to cancel because I was in the hospital with a little case of dehydration from a virus. I'm MUCH better now though! We are just so amazed and feel truely, truely blessed beyond measure! God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

It's been almost a month...

...since I posted last! Yikes! I can't believe I've let this much time go by! Things have been busy. We went camping a couple of weeks ago at Roaring River State Park. It was brave of us to go in August, because it's so stinkin' hot, but it wasn't too bad down there. The mornings and evenings were cooler, and the afternoons weren't terrible. We did a lot of swimming, cooking and eating. Our second night of camping brought a great surprize. Our "neighbors" in the camper next door were bluegrass artists, and had about a dozen other bluegrass artists over for some music! It was great. We really enjoyed it. Afterward, Katie was so impressed that she asked them if they had a cd to buy!
Katie is still enjoying karate, and can't wait for school to start, which is, by the way-tomorrow! She is so ready, and is just so excited to go.












Friday, July 20, 2007

Busy, busy, so shockingly busy!

Wow! This has been a couple of crazy weeks! Katie has had swimming lessons every morning, and karate on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, so we have been running around everywhere. Katie graduated from Level II, and will be in Level III next year for swimming lessons!

I have to confess that I have developed a new obsession--coupon clipping. I know that it sounds weird, but I love saving money. It gives me such a feeling of accomplishment to save so much! There were some really great coupons and savings these last couple of weeks. I stocked up on body wash and shampoo and conditioner. After coupons the Johnsons Melt Away Stress body wash was $.54 each, and the Loreal Vive Pro shampoo and conditioner that were regularly $4+ each, were $.75 each! I also bought Colgate toothpaste for $.50 each after coupons and the rollback price at Wal-Mart. Yay!

We have kind of a fun weekend planned with good friends. Tonight we're heading to Pittsburg to possibly meet up with Fred and Michelle to have dinner at either Jim's Steak House or Mall Deli. Tomorrow night our friends Mike and Melissa are coming over to our house for dinner. I'm not sure what I'm cooking yet---need to get that planned. Katie is spending tonight with Grandma and Grandpa who also have Rylee visiting, so they will have a great time!

I think that's all I have for today. I may add more later!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I am one HAPPY taxi driving mom!





Katie had a yucky allergy day today, but she could not wait to go to her first karate class tonight. We got there and got her uniform, and the owners/instructors were so incredibly nice. They were so child friendly and just so positive! I loved it. As we watched Katie, I couldn't stop smiling! She listened and practiced, and did really well for her first time. I was so impressed!

I'm a taxi driving mama!

Swimming lessons, karate, and a trip to Grandma and Grandpa's...I'm Katie's official limo driver this week! She has so much going on, and it just happens to be the week that I have so much going on too-yikes! We've been busy, and it's only Tuesday! Kate will be going to Grandma and Grandpa's on Wednesday, to spend three WHOLE days. She is beyond excited! She loves going there! She swims, swings, watches unlimited cartoons, and gets a sno-cone whenever she wants! Fun!

Friday, July 06, 2007

Fun stuff!




Ok--there has been entirely too much serious stuff in my blog lately-time for some fluffies!
Yesterday we went to Target, and I bought myself a little treat from http://www.migo.com/
I got the little mug over there---->, but in PINK! Too cute!

Also...in the mail from 2 peas was another treat-my scrapbooking bag from K&Company http://www.kandcompany.com/--again--in PINK! I love it-it's HUGE, has tons of pockets, and is just adorable!




33 years

When I think about all that Christ accomplished in his 33 years of His life here on earth, I am in awe. He healed so many, He taught so much, He was flawless, and when He died on the cross, He died for me. His 33 years of life's work was done because he loved us. Even if I were the only other person on earth, He would have still died on the cross...for me. It's humbling.
33 years.
396 months.
12, 045 days.
of living and dieing so I could live my own 33 years.
Humbling.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Independence Day...




Today is Independence Day. It's kind of strange that the name of our town is Independence, and there are no 4th of July celebrations happening, no fireworks, no sparklers...nothing except rebel firework setters in the distance. It's strange to think that 3 days ago, our town was 1/3 covered in flood water. The water has receded, but the devastation remains. People are homeless, they have lost everything. There is no clean water. Part of a bridge and highway are gone. Some things do remain, however:
freedom to reclaim what has been lost

hope that things will eventually return to normal

and a stronger, closer community, from having gone through so much together.


Thursday, June 28, 2007

Two months ago...


Two months ago, all of our lives were changed. Two months ago, I was taking my mom to the doctor to have a lump in her breast checked out...I was scared to death I would lose her. Two months ago, my sister and her husband, along with their three precious children were in a terrible car accident. Two months ago, my dear sweet Grandma went to meet Jesus, and hold hands with Grandpa again. April was such an incredibly difficult month, but it made me realize some things. You know, I'm so very thankful that my mom's lump turned out to be nothing, my sister and her family walked away from a crumpled car with no injuries, and the best part of my Grandma passing is that I know she is in Heaven...where she has deserved to be...for her whole life. I was thinking about these things last night, and how they impacted my life, and how it seems like it was so long ago, but in reality only 8 short weeks ago. I am so incredibly thankful that I have this picture of Katie and Grandma together. You can see the love that my Grandma had for all of her children and grandchildren...right here in the photo. Love you Grandma...so much...I miss you.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Ahhh...VACATION!





We visited South Dakota for our summer vacation this past week...and let me tell ya...I want to go back...right now! We had such a great time. Great weather, great travel/traffic, great scenery, great fun! We visited Mt. Rushmore, the Black Hills, the Badlands, and Custer State Park. Everything was so amazing! We were in complete awe of God's creation and his creativity!

Monday, June 04, 2007

Vacation Bible School

VBS started tonight. Katie really had a great time. I am teaching the 1st and 2nd graders, and we have 15 kids in our class! SS is usually 5 kids, and Caravan's 5 kids, but 15 at VBS--oh my! This week is going to be an adventure! Katie was really well behaved tonight. I was proud of her. She gave a little boy with no offering some offering to put in the bucket. Our theme this year is Tumbleweed Gulch-Where God's Love Changes Everything! It has some really wonderful lessons. Tonight's Bible verse was:
How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God. 1John 3:1a

We had a good weekend. After we took Megan back to Jill and Jay on Sunday, Katie had a little rough patch. I think she was just so tired, but she became really cranky. She finally settled down, and we decided to go to evening service. I am so glad that we went. After church we had dinner and went to the park to wait for the fountain to come on. At the city park/zoo, there is an old fountain. It comes on at 9pm, and is lighted and alternates colors and fountain heights, etc. It is so pretty. It has been there for as long as I can remember. Our park also has a miniature train, a Merry-Go-Round, and miniature golf. There is also a tiny zoo. It's really wonderful. There is also a new aquatic center--our town has so many things to do for families.

When Katie prayed tonight, she specifically asked me to not forget to pray for our baby. I am sweetheart, I am. I am still praying that God would bless us with a baby.


Please, Lord...please give us a baby.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Little Girls' Prayers



We have company tonight! We ran into Jill and Jay today, and invited Megan to come and stay over for the night. She and Katie have been having a great time! They played on the slip and slide, played Barbies, Babies, and even gave me a concert! They're both very talented little singers! At bedtime, Katie asked me to pray with her like usual, and Megan prayed too. Their little prayers are so wonderful and sweet. It is so great to hear them talk to Jesus...they love him so much!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Locks of Love!





Katie donated her hair to locks of love today!

The last day of 1st grade!

Today is Katie's last day of school. I just can't believe it. This year has gone by so fast, and our little girl is growing up TOO quickly! Today we are going to do something exciting after school...but I will post about that later...it's going to be a really memorable day!

Ok---a little about our goal of having another child. Usually I would be kind of sad in talking about it, but I think my prayers of coming to some acceptance have been answered. I am trying not to worry about it. Worrying does not add an hour to one's life (it's in the Bible somewhere--so I know it's true!). We are going to be content with having our beautiful daughter, and our little dog.

Some updates on other's babies though:
The Hamilton family from Katie's school had their twins, Lexi and Logan, 11 weeks early, but they are doing well!
Bart and Cara had their 3rd baby on Tuesday-a baby girl-Congrats!
Anita and Damian are expecting their first, a little boy, at the beginning of October!
Lori and Steve are expecting their 4th child in August!
Bobby and Mary Ann are expecting their first baby at the end of October! We might be able to know if it's a boy or girl at the end of this week! Yay!!
Jenny from the scrapbook store is also expecting, and two girls from our office in Chanute are also due any time!
There are babies everywhere!
:o)

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

In my garden...





Just sharing some photo's of this year's flowers...

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Learning to Ride!






Katie is learning to ride her bike without training wheels, and she's doing great! Just wanted to add some pictures and brag a little!!

Saturday, March 24, 2007

We're moving---again!

We are moving...again! We are moving home! I am so happy. I think we will be in this home for a while...and I am ready to settle in and settle down for a while. This house is going to be very comfortable for us! The things that I will really enjoy are so simple...and I will never take them for granted again---things like a dishwasher, an ice-maker, and two bathrooms! Yay! I am really looking forward to sitting on the front porch, visiting with Kris and Katie. I can't wait!

Friday, February 16, 2007

Scrapbooking...

You know what? I love scrapbooking. I love photos, I love paper, I love ribbon. I love being creative, and colorful, and expressive. I love leaving something lasting for Katie, that she can show her children, and her grandchildren. I just love it.

That's all. I just wanted to say that I love scrapbooking!

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year 2007!

It seems like just yesterday that I was posting on New Year's Day-2006. 2006 just flew by! It was a little bit of a difficult year, with a lot of transition and disappointment in some areas. We had a failed adoptive placement, and moved after only living in our home for 20 months. We sold our house and moved so quickly at the end of the year, and it was so very stressful. Losing Zac was also very painful. He was so much a part of our lives for the two months he was with us, yet it was not God's plan for him to be with us long-term. I know that God has a plan for everything, and we sure did learn a lot from the experiences in 2006. Good things also happened in 2006. We started the long journey of paying off debt. At least we are heading in the right direction. We had a big Christmas this year, kind-of spoiling each other for the first time in few years. We learned to appreciate our little family of three. We are not sure if this is all there is of us...and maybe it is. Maybe our plan is just to be three...and that's ok. One of my goals in 2007 is to come to some acceptance of that. I would also like to lose 100 pounds. I know it sounds like a lot, but I would still like to achieve that goal. I am tired of being the fattest person in the room, I am tired of dreading getting down on the floor to play with Katie. I really want to live past my 35th birthday, and I will not if I keep this body. I would also like to read my Bible daily. It should be such an important part of my day, and I would like to make it that. I want to make Christ the center of my life.

Well, Katie is needing breakfast, so I need to go. I am going to really try to blog more often this year.

Friday, December 29, 2006

I'm still blessed...I've just been busy!




I just wanted to add a post...to keep my blog going. Things have been so busy with Christmas, and we have just been running around everywhere! Katie is growing so much! She had a wonderful Christmas! Santa brought her "Amazing Allysen" doll that she wanted so much! Kris and I have decided that bless her heart, Allysen is hearing impaired! She has a really hard time hearing, and it's a little frustrating to Katie! She has not given up on her though! She was so excited this Christmas! Here are a few pics!
I know I say this every time---but I really am going to try and post more in 2007!
Happy New Year!!!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Great Grandma Ellis...

...passed away this evening. Katie loved to visit Grandma on Halloween (it was kinda a tradition to visit that day for some reason). I remember her first Halloween she went as a bunny, and Grandma just thought she was so cute! I am glad Katie was able to meet her Great Grandma. Kris and Katie went to visit her last week, and I am glad they were able to see her again before she passed on. I have faith that she is playing bingo with Jesus and the angels right now in heaven... B-2, G-7, O-9, I-22, N-4---BINGO!!!!

1st grade!

Oh goodness...my baby is growing up! First grade begins tomorrow. Tonight as I brushed Katie's hair, I just couldn't believe how much my "bald 'til she was two" baby had grown. She is so beautiful, and I can't believe that the elementary school years have begun already. Tonight she was so excited, and full of anticipation for tomorrow. I think she is most excited about taking her lunch to school and about not having to take a nap at daycare after lunch! She asked if she could take one of our green apples to school for her teacher, but they really aren't looking so good, so I told her we could make a special trip into Wal-Mart in the morning to get a nice big red one. I was so proud of her for thinking of her new teacher-all on her own. She is so very sensitive to other's needs and wants...and I just love that about her...along with EVERYTHING else. I love her.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Faith.

Yesterday I declared to my husband that I was done with the faith stuff, done with the church stuff, done with prayer, and done with the "it's all part of God's plan" stuff...I was done, I was empty, I had no ability to feel any of those things anymore. I pouted all day, I let Satan eat away at me, I cried, I was irrational, it was just a bad day. I had convinced myself that because I have been unable to have more children and because we were probably always going to have debt that my life was in ruin. I was just grieving yesterday, but didn't want God to have any part in making it better, or to even receive comfort through Kris from God. We went through the whole day, and as we were driving home late at night, I found myself wanting to pray...to pray for my sister and her newborn baby, to pray for my mom and dad getting home safely with my daughter, for my brother's new relationship...for tons of things...but I didn't pray, because I was "done" with all of that. I went to bed, exhausted from a long day.

I woke up this morning, and sure enough, God's mercy was new, as if I had never betrayed him, as if I had never said those mean things about him yesterday. I read an article in my husband's Field and Stream magazine this morning...it was just there...the top magazine on the stack of the ever growing pile in the bathroom. I decided to thumb through it, and read an article about a man who had been bitten by a rattlesnake. The man was walking through the brush (can't remember why) and felt a huge pull/tug/pain on the back of his leg...he had been bitten by a rattlesnake. He went to get help, and was life flighted to a hospital. The bite was so bad that he had to have something like 93 vials of antivenen, when a normal bite requires up to 30 viles. He was in the hospital for a long time, and eventually recovered. Something about that article made me think of my behavior yesterday. I was full of poison...from the enemy...he had bitten me...really hard...with jealousy, coveting, the inability to see my blessings. It was the worst bite, by far, that I have ever gotten. It took A LOT of God's mercy (antivenen) to fix things. I know it wasn't hard for Him to forgive me, and I know that all of those behaviors were covered by Jesus's blood. I am still tired from the wound, I am still struggling, but Jesus has taken the poison out...once again, and put his love in those fang marks.

Tonight I woke Kris up and explained to him that I know I have faith. Why else would I have wanted to pray so badly last night. If I *really* didn't believe, I wouldn't feel compelled to pray. If I really didn't believe, it wouldn't bother me to not pray. It bothered me to NOT pray last night. I felt that I had not done what I knew in my heart was right for the ones I love by praying for them. I also don't know how anyone can love someone else so incredibly much and think it has nothing to do with the love that God has shown us. I love Kris and Katie more than words can explain, and I believe part of that love is because of God's love for me.

So I guess the bottom line is that I do have faith. I do trust God to guide my life. I do believe. I do.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Happy Birthday America!

Happy Birthday America! I feel so blessed to live in the United States. There are so many freedoms that I know I take for granted everyday, that only came from a country that fought for independence.

Tonight as we watched the neighborhood fireworks, Katie and I softly sang The National Anthem...well, I should say that I was softly singing it...she...on the other hand...was belting it out for everyone to hear! She sat in the chair with me, and it was wonderful to have some close time with her. I'm going to pause from journaling for a second, because Katie just came down the stairs...ok...she wants to write something: "And then we watched the big humoungus fireworks and it was humoungus, gungus, fireworks! And then we watched the fireworks again. And then I went in the bathtub and played and played and now I got my jammies and now I'm at the computer with my mom and it was a good day at home, so bye-bye!" I think she had a great day today! She's so funny with her descriptions!
Anyway, it was a nice evening. Kris got off work early and came home and took a little nap. Later we grilled out and I made my first ever batch of home-made potato salad...it was a good dinner. For dessert we had homemade vanilla ice cream and chocolate cake to celebrate Kris and I's birthdays coming up. It was such a great evening...I just feel so incredibly blessed. Earlier this weekend I was having quite a bit of anxiety and jealously issues, but God has shown me that I am wonderfully blessed, and I have everything I could ever want...right now. Ok...rambling over! Happy Birthday America!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

My Beautiful Girl


Sunday evenings...

I just need to cry, and to vent, and to just let go of some anxiety. Every Sunday night, a huge, huge anxiety comes over me. I don't like my job anymore. It is so very depressing. It has become very demanding in the past couple of months, and it's more than I can handle. I am a foster care case manager. I recruit, train, and provide support to foster families that are sponsored through our agency.
Tonight I have more significant grieving about going to work tomorrow. Katie and I have had a hard day today. She was grumpy, I was grumpy, even Kris was grumpy. Kris was pretty much unavailable to us all weekend, so it seems like we haven't really had a weekend. I really just want to not go back to work again-ever. I want to dedicate my life to taking care of MY family...not other people's. Most of them do not even realize the amount of time that I give up from my family taking care of theirs. I am just so tired of it. As my friend Melissa would say, "I've had it!". I really have "had it." I am just so tired, and so tired of being tired. I need $25,000.00 to pay off our debt except for our cars and house. If I had that, I would be able to be a stay at home mom. I know it's not a glamorous job, but it truely is the one I want. I want to take Katie to the library, and to swimming lessons, and to gymnastics, or to the park just to swing. I don't want to have to worry about if someone is having a crisis, or if they need to ask me the same question they have asked at least 20 times already. I am just so incredibly tired of it. I want to be able to go to work, do my job, leave work, and not do any more work until the next morning if I have to work outside of the home. I take my work home with me every night, and am accessible 24 hours per day to my families. I am just tired...so very tired. I need a break...but there is no break. I tried to take ONE week of vacation, and two days of it I am already going to have to work...so now my one whole week is reduced to three days...I am just so discusted. I am so tired...just so tired. I am tired of crying about it, I am tired of taking my frustration out on my husband and child. I am tired of seeing all of these children being abused and neglected when we are trying so desperately to have another child. I am tired of grieving...tired of being sad...tired of feeling this way. I need intervention. I need God...Lord, I could really use your help with this. I don't know what to do. I need to figure out how to get the money to be able to stay at home. I need an answer to prayer...I really do.

Monday, June 12, 2006

The Lord is...

...my strength, my shield, my joy, my comfortor, my redeemer, my salvation, my hope, my courage, my all in all, my friend, my father, my creator, my savior, my everything. I have so many things I want to write down tonight..so I'm going to try and capture some of it here.

I have been so discouraged since our adoptive placement disruption....Satan has just been after me continuously for the last couple of months...he has known my weaknesses...my tendency to have low self esteem and guilt, my tendency to lose faith and hope...and has been all over it. He has tried to convince me that I am a bad mother, a bad case manager, that I am fat and ugly, that I have no business trying to help people. He has tried to lie to me and convince me that I needed things and food to fill the empty holes that he created in me. He has been having a great time being victorious in my sorrow and grief.

"It is finished." Jesus said those words when He died on the cross for my sins. He knew that the sins of the world were on his shoulders and through his death on the cross, he was taking that load from anyone who would believe. Now I am saying that to Satan: it is finished...you are not going to have power and dominion in my life anymore. I have given my heart back to Jesus tonight. I am no longer a slave to your lies and your deception. I am no longer going to believe that I am any less than all that Jesus---my LORD and GOD--- has planned for me! I am his! Jesus has ME in the palm of his hand, and has taken my burdens. He has taken the guilt, the fear, the worry, and the sins of my life, and swept them away. My sins are erased, and I am a new creation...today! I am so glad!

Do you know what my beautiful, amazing gift from God that I like to call my daughter, said to me tonight as she drifted off to sleep? She said, "thank you mom," and I said "what for?", she said, "for everything." Jesus talked to me through her tonight...so incredibly directly, that it gives me goosebumps. He told me that I am a good mother, through her words. I am not sure if she will even remember that she said that, but it revealed what was in her heart. More than any other ministry on this earth, a mother has a responsibilty to raise their children in truth and in Jesus. Somehow...I know that He is helping me with this incredibly important task. I know that Katie has Jesus in her heart, and if I died today, I would know that God's grace has covered her, in spite of my shortcomings as a mom. I want her to remember me as a mom with grace and gentleness, and I am going to keep praying that God will give me those characteristics to pass on to her.

A friend of mine, Bev, gave the closing devotional at vacation Bible school tonight. She talked about two new Christians. One was a new Christian that got so busy that he did not have time to read the Bible or go to church, and when Satan came after him, he was vulnerable and weak. The other new Christian kept reading his Bible, and kept going to church...when Satan came after him, he was strong and connected to God, and able to withstand the enemy. Even though it was a devotional geared toward children, I felt the Lord moving in my heart. He was telling me that He was still standing right beside me...all I had to do was reach out for his hand...and he would help me beat the enemy. I know He will. I know He is here with me. I know that He will defend and protect me. I have faith...the Lord's lovingkindnesses NEVER fail. He is my strength and my shield!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I'm so thankful

I just really needed to post this morning. I was feeling sorry for myself on the way to work today...because I had to go to work, because my pants are too tight, because I want more children, because my job is depressing... But when I walked in to work, I saw a familiar face that surprised me. A friend of mine was at my workplace for a class on parenting through divorce...she is getting a divorce, and my heart just aches for her. She and her husband have been through so much, but are not going to stay married. Kris and I have been through a lot, and we have come close to calling it quits, but we haven't and our marriage is now better than it has ever been. I have no doubt that we will be together forever. I am so blessed to have him, to have our marriage, to have our amazing daughter. I said a little prayer to ask God for forgiveness for being so selfish and demanding...I think he has already forgiven me. I am still not sure about my job. I think since going through the loss of a baby through miscarriage, and going through a disruption of a possible adoptive placement, I am much more sensitive to the things that children and families are going through now. It's been very difficult to go to my job every day. Well...I think that is all I need to say right now, but I wanted to make sure I recorded this little moment...of thankfulness.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

blessings

why...why...why...do I go so long without blogging? I have been so very lazy...it's been almost 5 months since my last post. I want to post tonight because I just feel incredibly blessed to have my sweet amazing daughter and wonderful awesome husband. Kris went to bed early tonight, and Katie and I just had a wonderful evening! She read The Foot Book by Dr. S--she is becoming such an amazing reader---she is in kindergarten---and she can read almost anything! It totally and completely amazes me! She wanted to curl her hair tonight, so I put her hair in curlers...she looks so cute! When I put her in bed, we listened to I love you this much, and then talked about Jesus for a long time. She has such a curious heart...she is so tender...and so ready to learn about our Lord! We said a little prayer, she prayed for Grandma Rench. She asked Go to make her feel better, and to not let her die. She also prayed for Roscoe and Morris, and prayed for God to take care of them in Heaven and even asked God to not let Roscoe chase Morris :o) I just love her to pieces...she is so wonderful! She really is such a blessing, I am so very thankful for her.

I'm also so thankful for my Grandma. She is in the hospital, and today when I visited her, she seemed so tired, confused, but yet was still the sweetest person that I know. I love her so much. I want to be just like her. She loves God, and she loves her family. She prays and has so much faith. I just love Grandma. I am not sure how much time we still have with her...she seemed to be wilting a little today. It makes me sad, but I know she will be in Heaven when she goes.

Well, that's all I have for tonight. I know I have said this before, but I am REALLY, REALLY going to try to blog more often.

Sunday, January 01, 2006


Happy New Year!!! It's 2006! My resolutions are to get healthy, exercise more, blog more, and pray more! I know that 2006 is going to be a great year!!! Here's our little party girl last night!

We made it until 11:30 before she fell asleep on the floor!! This morning she is up and awake as if she hadn't stayed up late at all!

Wishing all of you the most blessed New Year's Day and a prosperous 2006!!!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Christmas Card Experiment


I experimented with Picture It tonight...after having forced Blackie to pose with Katie for some pics! I think they turned out pretty cute, if I do say so myself!! I'm going to have some printed at Wal-Mart tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I'm so thankful...

...for simple things...like the fact that my husband is off work today, and can get some rest, that my daughter is in kindergarten today, where she can learn about Jesus's love for her, and that she loves to go, that I am going to start work here in a few minutes, at a job that helps with our bills, and is at the same time so flexible, and that we are looking forward to a big Thanksgiving Dinner with my parents on Thursday. I am truly blessed. I just feel thankful today.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Intervention

God intervened and spared mine and my daughter's lives this morning. Katie and I were on our way to school and work this morning. I needed to pass the two cars in front of me, because they were driving at the average speed of 45 miles and hour...on a 65 mph highway...and we were running late. I started to pass and while I was directly in line with the car that was right in front of me, she decided to pass too. She didn't see that I was RIGHT BESIDE HER! At first I thought she was just drifting to the center of the highway, and I pulled over a little, then I realized that she was actually trying to pass...I honked my horn, but I don't think she heard...I ended up completely on the shoulder and almost into the grass before she saw me and pulled back in behind the car in front of us. It scared me to death...I'm still shook up about it. If she would have hit us, it would have been on Katie's side, and I just cannot even bear to think about that. Even now, my heart feels like it could jump out of my chest. God had his hand in this...and I think it might have been right there in between our two cars. You just never know the accidents and circumstances that God saves us from.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Outside



We had such a great time outside this afternoon. Katie rode her bike, and we made chalk pathes on the driveway. I think she looks so cute in her little jacket with the hood up...I had to convince her that she could not wear her new pink clogs to ride her bike...she just loves that we have matching shoes (top photo)! We got them at K-Mart, and she was just thrilled to see that they had ones big enough to fit mama too!!

Forgiven...

Well, my daughter taught me an amazing lesson a couple of days ago, I wanted to make sure I recorded it. We had a little bit of a rough day and I was grumpy *really* grumpy. I always apologize, because I want to teach her to ask for forgiveness, and to apologize when she hurts someone's feelings. I asked her if she could forgive me, and she said, "I'll aways forgive you mama" It brought tears to my eyes...we are doing something right...and she is turning out just beautifully, inside and out.

Friday, September 09, 2005

My Dad's Singing

Tonight Mom and Dad and Bobby dropped by. I was sitting at my computer pea-ing in my pj's, heard a knock at the door, and just about jumped out of my skin! Nobody ever comes by! Anyway, they were just on their way home from B'ville and stopped to say Hi. Katie was entertaining everyone with her songs that she has learned in K. She was standing on her "stage" our fireplace hearth, and just singing away. My dad asked her if he could sing her a song. He sang "Mexico", "No other word for grace but amazing" and "step into the water". It was so incredibly good to hear him sing...and to sing about Jesus...it made my day...my week...my month! I love my mom and dad, I really, really do. They humor me to look through all of my scrapbooks, and they listen to Katie jabber on for ever and ever, and they would do anything for you if they could. I am so blessed to have them as my parents.

Friday, September 02, 2005

um....

Well, it has been a few months since I have added an entry. I really do want to try and do this. I just find that I am not motivated sometimes. I have some things I need to ramble about today. Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana, Alabama, and Mississippi this week. The damage and destruction is devastating. I have just been overwhelmed every time I read or see news about it. I am sad for those people who did not get out in time. Kris and I have been talking about how incredibly blessed we are to have a dry house, a dry yard, and cars to drive. When I think of the devastation down there, I am just grateful...for everything..our family being safe, our jobs, our home, our lives...

Katie started kindergarten this year. She was so happy. We decided to send her to the Bible school, because of the commute between our town and where I work. The schedule would have been to complicated. I am happy that she is going there though. On the first day of school, I watched through the little window in the door, as they held their Bibles in one hand, and covered their hearts with their other to say the Pledge of Allegance. Then they sat at their desks and bowed their little heads to pray. It just made me feel so incredibly good to see that. At that point, I knew she was exactly where she needed to be. When I picked her up and asked her how it went, she said "I love Kindergarten---it was awesome!" I am so glad she is happy...that is what I want the most for her.

Our life at home has changed quite a bit since I last journaled. Kris's work schedule changed to weekends, so he works all day Sat, Sun, and Mon, and part of a day Wed. The new schedule has really taken a toll on all of us. He is pretty tired most of the time, and we see each other a lot less than we are used to. He also has to miss church, and I know he is really struggling with this. We know God has a plan for all of this, and that he is working things out in his own timing. We are just praying for patience and grace to get through this. We miss each other, we miss our time together as a family. We miss our time together as a family in church. Things will get better. God is faithful.

I am really going to try and do better on my journaling...I really am. I had forgotten how therapeutic it is just to write things down.