Warning---no grammar check or rearranging has happened to this post...it's totally rambly and all over the place with emotions and words.
I can barely keep it together this morning...lots of tears...happy ones. But I have mixed emotions. I realized last night that today is Asher and I's last day of just him and I. Tomorrow Kris's mom is coming over to help with last minute things for the day, and my parents will be staying tomorrow night with us to be here for Asher when we leave at 4:45 am on Friday. I appreciate them both so much for all of their help. Looking at Asher now, laying on the sofa watching "Cat in the Hat" on PBSkids, doing what he normally does this early in the morning...he looks so big, yet he's still my baby. I hope I still have plenty of time for him. I almost feel like I've been wasting too much time, I should have been cherishing our time together this past year. Now it's the last day...goodness. I miss him already. I know things will be ok...Kris and Katie will be more than willing to hold and love on Claire while I still have time to snuggle with Asher. It's just that today is the last day I can totally devote to him. It's the last couple of days that I can lift him into my arms and just hold him for a few weeks. Today I'm going to try really hard to just hold him and be calm.
And Katie...oh my Katie girl. Today when she gets home from school I just want to let her know how very much I love her. And I want her to know how she will ALWAYS be my baby girl...my firstborn, my little sweet pea, my first peek at God's amazing ability. I remember seeing her for the first time and just being completely amazed that God would give her to us. She was so red and bruised from our rough delivery, but she was the most beautiful thing I had EVER seen. I know we have difficult pre-teen and teen years ahead, but I love her with ALL of my heart, and I always will. I have to make sure she knows these things.
Being a mom of three will be amazing...I know it. Kris and I still just cannot believe how blessed we are. There is no way that we could have ever began to earn or deserve these children, nothing we could do but ask and pray for them, and now...we have three. I just can't believe it. I'm so excited, and nervous, and happy, and just...overwhelmed with God's amazing LOVE and blessings and forgiveness.
Home Sweet Home #359
9 hours ago