Friday, September 28, 2007

Adding to Katie's Christmas list...

I have decided that I am going to keep track of all of the Christmas ideas floating around in my head right I know where they are. Kris and I were talking about Katie's list, and he wants to add a bb gun and UNO Attack game....sounds to me like he wants to get a bunch of Katie's gifts for himself! :o)

Today I brought Roger Whitaker with me to work, and I tell you, there is nothing like his voice to bring about Christmas memories. I know I am just crazy, thinking about Christmas so much, but I love it, I can't help myself.

I think Katie is spending the night with Mom tonight. Dad is going to a rendezvous so Katie is going to go hang out with Mom and get ALL of the attention! She loves that. I think that might be her favorite thing ever, hanging out with her Grandma. I think I am going to scrapbook...possibly. The house is a disaster, so I should probably clean, but I would really like to scrapbook. It's the only thing I can think of to do that doesn't cost money, because I already have everything I need to do it.

Baby notes-My friend Anita is expecting little Aiden any day now...I am so excited for them! She is going to be an awesome mom!

We have a doctor appointment next Thursday, I can't wait!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


The last 24 hours has been: craziness. Kris left for Emporia yesterday, and I realized that I had sent the wrong bank card with him. He had hardly any cash, no other credit cards, and no checks. I called him a bunch of times to figure out what to do. He ended up borrowing some $ from a friend, and is driving home today as scheduled. Katie got home from daycare yesterday, went to the neighbors to play for a few minutes, and came home saying her legs hurt and she was cold. I took her temperature, and it was 102.4! She had a fever for most of the evening...bless her heart. She was achy and just didn't feel good. This morning, at 5:45 am, Maddie was in the back yard for her bathroom break, she escaped out of the fence, and I had to chase her down in my pj's. She still didn't come to me, so I finally went back inside. She finally came when Katie offered her some cheese. Then I spanked her bottom and put her in her crate. I tell you, I don't think things are working out with her. I am so stressed about her all of the time. I worry that our home has doggie odor and it won't be clean for the baby, I worry that she is not out of her crate enough, I don't trust her to be in the house at all anymore. It's so frustrating. I am not sure what to do. Ok-vent over. I just needed to get my frustrations out.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

It's 3 months until Christmas!

Yay! My favorite season is almost here! In fact, I know I am insane, but I have a yummy spice candle burning, and my Chet Atkins-East Tennessee Christmas cd playing right now here at work. It's cloudy today, not too warm, and I love it.

Kris left for Emporia for a training for work, so I think Katie and are going to just have an easy dinner (probably Mac-n-cheese, carrots, and mini corndogs) and spend some time together. She has karate tonight too, she loves it so much! Her favorite thing to do these days is draw pictures for me. She sits at the bar while I clean the kitchen, cook dinner, or whatever, and asks me what I would like her to draw. It's amazing-she's seven-but she can draw almost anything in incredible detail. She's gifted, I tell you! I will try and scan some of her most recent ones to add here later.

We are 11 weeks pregnant, according to the ultrasound, today. It's hard to think that just a couple weeks ago, I thought I was already this far along. I think next week will finally feel like we are making progress through the pregnancy. I had Kris take some pictures of me this morning, just to compare later as I get bigger, and have some photos from my pregnancy. I only have 2 pictures of being pregnant with Katie...I wish I had more. I am so glad I have a good camera for this baby. I want to make sure to take lots of pictures during labor and right after delivery. I have very few from Katie's birth. We only had a film camera back then, so the digital will be nice to have.

I have been thinking about Christmas gifts, and this year will be the most financially limited that we have ever been, because we no longer use credit cards. Every year I go overboard and have a huge credit card bill. This year, we will be using a little bonus that Kris will get in December. We have to buy all the presents with just that money, because our budget is so tight each payday. We would like to get a Wii for Katie, and had bought a game bundle with an extra controller a long time ago to go with it. I think she'll also be getting Little House on the Prairie-Season 2 DVD's. Both of those are kind of family presents, that we will all enjoy. I would like to get some things for the baby, because by Christmas we should know what we're having! :o) I think Katie would like to open the presents for the baby, just for fun. She wants the Barbie with a horse at Wal-Mart, and she also would like the Littlest Pet Shop Guard Dog we will see on those things...I might try and buy one of those little gifts each payday within the next 3 months.

We continue to pray for Tim and Trina Holsinger. He was moved to a rehabilitation center in Nebraska this week. If you go to you can type in his full name with no spaces and read Trina's amazing testimony and updates on Tim. I read it everyday, and Trina has been such an inspiration. She has an amazing faith, and God is working through her to minister to everyone who reads it. She shared this verse today:
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God;Trust also in me.-Jesus
John 14:1

I think that's all for now. Sorry so rambly today---lots going on in my brain!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I'm so blessed.

Yesterday, Katie and I had such a rough morning, she couldn't find her shoes, I lost my temper, and we both ended up in tears. It was just difficult.

This morning, as I type this, she is sleeping peacefully in our bed. With Kris working overnight, she usually sleeps with me on those nights. Last night, I asked her one more time if she could forgive me for losing my temper, and once again, she reminded me of what Christ's love is like for us. She said, "of course I do, Mom, I'll always forgive you." That's how Christ loves us-never-ending, constantly forgiving, always faithful, never forsaking us if we belong to him. Sometimes I need to remind myself to actively accept his forgiveness and grace. There is nothing I can do to earn it-nothing in this whole world can buy that grace and love that He gives. It's truely amazing what a free and wonderful gift that is.

I am so blessed to have that beautiful daughter in the other room, and another tiny one on the way. I am so blessed to have a husband that loves God, never abuses me, always loves and forgives me (and is handsome too!). I am blessed to have a safe home, reliable vehicles, a good job, so many things...huge things...that I take for granted sometimes. Lord, please help me be thankful.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Fall Goodies!

Memories of fall…
Making pumpkin cut-out sugar cookies w/Mom, our scarecrow-“Maynard”, dressing up like a hobo when we couldn’t think of anything else, winning the $1 first prize for my gumball machine costume that mom and dad stayed up late working on, having fall parties, with bonfires, spooky hay rides, and peeled grapes for eyeballs, popcorn balls, caramel apples, mom’s wonderful fall decorating with pumpkins, corn stalks, and fall leaves, good smelling candles, carving pumpkins with Dad...just a few of my favorite memories of fall...

And some pumpkin-y goodness recipes for fall (collected from a wonderful thread on Two Peas)

Pumpkin Recipes:

Pumpkin & Apple Soup with Roasted Black Walnuts
I originally tried this recipe a few years ago, but this particular recipe was just in the Ontario LCBO Food & Drink magazine. 1/4 cup butter 3 cups chopped onion 6 cups chopped pumpkin or squash 2 cups peeled and chopped Spy or Granny Smith apples 1 tsp brown sugar pinch cinnamon pinch allspice 1 tsp salt 5 cups vegetable stock or water salt and freshly ground pepper 2 tbsp roasted black (or regular) walnuts fresh sage leaves In a large pot, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the onion and cook until softened, about 3 minutes. Add the pumpkin and apples and cook until softened, another 3 minutes. Add the brown sugar and spices, then pour in the stock and simmer 30 minutes. Meanwhile, roast walnuts in a 350F oven for 5-6 minutes. Watch carefully, as they burn fast. Remove from heat, blend until smooth. Season to taste with salt and pepper. To garnish, grill or pan sear some apple slices and add roasted walnuts and sprig of sage. I have never done it, but it would be great to serve pumpkin soup in a hollowed out pumpkin.

1 1/4 cups unbleached all purpose flour 3 tablespoons sugar 2 teaspoons baking powder 1 1/4 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice 3/4 teaspoon salt 1 1/3 cups whole milk 3/4 cup canned pure pumpkin 4 large eggs, separated 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted 1 teaspoon vanilla extract Vegetable oil Maple syrup Whisk first 5 ingredients in large bowl to blend. Whisk milk, pumpkin, egg yolks, melted butter and vanilla in medium bowl to blend well. Add pumpkin mixture to dry ingredients; whisk just until smooth (batter will be thick). Using electric mixer, beat egg whites in another medium bowl until stiff but not dry. Fold whites into batter in 2 additions. Brush large nonstick skillet with oil; heat over medium heat. Working in batches, pour batter by 1/3 cupfuls into skillet. Cook until bubbles form on surface of pancakes and bottoms are brown, about 1 1/2 minutes per side. Repeat with remaining batter, brushing skillet with oil between batches. Serve with syrup. Makes about 12.

Pumpkin Sour Cream Tarts
Crust: 1 3-oz. softened cream cheese 1 cup flour Filling: 1 egg 1/2 cup canned pumpkin 1/3 cup sugar 1/4 cup dairy sour cream 1 TBS. milk 1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice Chill crust about 1 hour. Shape into 1 inch balls. Press into bottom and up sides of mini-muffin tins. Fill with 1 rounded teaspoon of filling. Bake 25-30 minutes at 350ºF. Cool slightly in pan. Serve with dollop of whipped cream.
Praline Pumpkin Pie 1-15oz can of pumpkin 1-12oz can evaporated milk 3 eggs 1 cup sugar 4 tsp. pumpkin pie spice 1 pkg Betty Crocker super moist white cake mix 1 1/2 cups chopped pecans or walnuts 3/4 cup melted butter or margarine Heat oven to 350. Grease bottom and sides of 13x9 pan. Stir pumpkin, ev. milk, eggs sugar and pumpkin pie spice until smooth. Pour into pan. Sprinkle dry cake mix over pumpkin mixture. Sprinkle with pecans. Pour melted butter evenly over top. (Try to cover all of the dry cake mix. You can use more butter if you need to.) sprinkle with pecans. Bake 50-60 minutes or until knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool about 1 1/2 hours before serving.

Pumpkin Bars
2 C. sugar 1 C. Oil 2 C. pumpkin(15 oz can) 4 eggs 2 C. Flour 2 tsp baking powder 1 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp salt 2 tsp cinnamon mix together sugar, oil, pumpkin and eggs in big bowl. In seperate bowl mix the dry ingredients. Add the dry to the wet and mix until combined. Bake in greased 10x15 jellyroll pan(I use the PC stone) at 350 for 25 minutes. When cooled frost with: 1 8oz pkg cream cheese, softened 6T butter, softened 1 tsp milk 1 tsp vanilla 1 3/4 C. powdered sugar mix all until smooth

Pumpkin Polka Dot Cupcakes
Ingredients: 1/2 cup (4 oz.) cream cheese, softened 1 large egg 2 tablespoons granulated sugar 2/3 cup NESTLÉ TOLL HOUSE Semi-Sweet Chocolate Mini Morsels 1 pkg. (16 oz.) pound cake mix 1 cup LIBBY'S 100% Pure Pumpkin 1/3 cup water 2 large eggs 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice 1 teaspoon baking soda Directions: PREHEAT oven to 325° F. Grease or paper-line 18 muffin cups. BEAT cream cheese, egg and granulated sugar in small mixer bowl until smooth. Stir in morsels. Set aside. COMBINE cake mix, pumpkin, water, eggs, pumpkin pie spice and baking soda in large mixer bowl; beat on medium speed for 3 minutes. Pour batter into prepared muffin cups, filling 3/4 full. Spoon about 1 tablespoon topping over batter. BAKE for 25 to 30 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans on wire racks for 10 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

Harvest Muffins
1 3/4 cup flour 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/2 tsp ginger 1 tsp. cinnamon 1/8 tsp. cloves 1/2 cup sugar 1/4 tsp. salt 1/4 tsp. baking powder 1 tsp baking soda Mix all of the above in a large bowl. 2 large eggs 1 stick butter, melted 1 cup canned pumpkin 1 bag butterscotch chips In smaller bowl, whisk together eggs, pumpkin, and butter. Stir in butterscotch chips. Por into dry ingredients. Fold just until moistened. Bake at 350 degrees 20 minutes for large or 12 minutes for mini muffins.

Golden Pumpkin Bars
1 yellow cake mix ¼ c. vegetable oil 4 eggs ½ c. chopped pecans 1-16 oz can solid-pack pumpkin 1-14 oz can sweetened condensed milk 1 tsp almond extract 1 tsp cinnamon ¼ tsp nutmeg ½ tsp salt Preheat oven to 350 (325 for glass). Reserve ½ cup cake mix. In large bowl, combine remaining mix, oil, and 1 egg. Beat until crumbly. Stir in nuts. Press firmly into bottom of greased 13x9 baking pan. Combine remaining ingredients – including the ½ cup reserved cake mix. Mix well, pour over prepared crust in pan. Bake 50 minutes or until set. Cool. Cut into bars.
Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cakes
Recipe courtesy Paula Deen Show: Paula's Home Cooking Episode: Thanksgiving Cake: 1 (18 1/4-ounce) package yellow cake mix 1 egg 8 tablespoons butter, melted Filling: 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened 1 (15-ounce) can pumpkin 3 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla 8 tablespoons butter, melted 1 (16-ounce) box powdered sugar 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1 teaspoon nutmeg Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. To make the cake: Combine all of the ingredients and mix well with an electric mixer. Pat the mixture into the bottom of a lightly greased 13 by 9-inch baking pan. Prepare filling. To make the filling: In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese and pumpkin until smooth. Add the eggs, vanilla, and butter, and beat together. Next, add the powdered sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and mix well. Spread pumpkin mixture over cake batter and bake for 40 to 50 minutes. Make sure not to overbake as the center should be a little gooey. Serve with fresh whipped cream.

3 slices bacon, diced 1 large onion, chopped 1 large carrot, shredded 1 (13-3/4 oz.) can chicken broth 2 cups half and half 1 (16 oz.) can solid-pack pumpkin 1/2 tsp. salt 1/4 tsp. ground white pepper 1/4 cup sour cream Cook bacon til crisp. Remove with slotted spoon, set aside. Add onion and carrot to bacon drippings in pan. Cook 4 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add broth, simmer, uncovered 10 minutes. Transfer to food processor or blender, process until smooth. Return to saucepan, stir in half and half, pumpkin, salt and pepper. Bring to a simmer, do not boil. Pour into soup bowls, top with reserved bacon and sour cream.

Pumpkin Bars
2C. Flour 2t Baking Powder 2t ground cinnamon 1t baking soda 1t salt 4 beaten eggs 1 16oz. can pumpkin 1 1/2 C sugar 1 C Oil Stir first 5 ingredients together. Combine egg, pumpkin, sugar & oil, beat until well mixed, add dry ingredients. Spread into ungreased 9 x 13 pan, Bake 350 for 25-30 mins. Cool Frosting (Double this) 1 3oz. package cream cheese 1/4 C butter 1t vanilla 2c sifted powdered sugar Mix first 3 ingredients, add powdered sugar for right consistency. (I usually add a little warm water or milk to mine) This is best if refrigerated but I like mine cold. These are delicious, easy to make, and are a holiday favorite.

Pumpkin Apple Streusel Muffins
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 2 cups granulated sugar 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 1/4 cups LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin 2 large eggs 1/4 cup vegetable oil 2 cups apples, peeled, cored and finely chopped 1/4 cup granulated sugar 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 2 tablespoons butter or magarine For Muffins: Preheat oven to 350º F. Grease or paper-line 24 muffin cups. Combine flour, sugar, pumpkin pie spice, baking soda and salt in large bowl. Combine pumpkin, eggs and vegetable oil in medium bowl; mix well. Stir into flour mixture just until moistened. Stir in apples. Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups, filling 3/4 full. For Struesel Topping: Combine sugar, flour and cinnamon in medium bowl. Cut in butter with pastry blender or two knives until mixture is crumbly. Sprinkle over muffin batter. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans for 5 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool slightly.

1 box (18 ¼ ounces) spice cake mix 1 box (3.4 ounces) instant vanilla pudding mix 1 cup canned pumpkin ½ cup water ½ cup vegetable oil 3 eggs 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon ½ teaspoon ground ginger 2 cups cold milk 2 boxes (3.4 ounces each) instant cheesecake pudding mix—Jello makes this flavor 2 cups Cool Whip 1 cup chopped pecans, toasted ¾ cup English toffee bits In a large bowl, combine first eight ingredients. Transfer to a greased 9 x 13 inch baking pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 45-50 minutes. Let cook on a wire rack. In another large bowl, whisk the milk and pudding mixes for 2 minutes. Let stand for 2 minutes to soft set. Gently fold in Cool Whip. Cut cake into 1” cubes. In a trifle bowl, layer 1/3 of the cake cubes, pudding mixture, pecans and toffee bits. Repeat layers twice. Refrigerate 2 hours before serving.

Downeast Maine Pumpkin Bread
INGREDIENTS 1 (15 ounce) can pumpkin puree 4 eggs 1 cup vegetable oil 2/3 cup water 3 cups white sugar 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking soda 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour three 7x3 inch loaf pans. In a large bowl, mix together pumpkin puree, eggs, oil, water and sugar until well blended. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and ginger. Stir the dry ingredients into the pumpkin mixture until just blended. Pour into the prepared pans. Bake for about 50 minutes in the preheated oven. Loaves are done when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

Pumpkin Bars
Note: These are cake-like and moist in texture rather than firmer, denser or with a crust and topping like other bar-type desserts. 2 cups sugar 1 cup butter (2 sticks), room temp. 2 cups canned pumpkin (one 15-oz. can) 4 eggs, room temp. 2 cups flour 2 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. each cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, ginger, ground cloves 1/2 tsp. salt Preheat oven to 350. Lightly grease a 15 X 10 1/2 X 1 pan. Sift flour, baking soda, spices, and salt together; set aside. Cream butter and sugar until smooth. Add pumpkin and eggs; beat until smooth. Add dry ingredients and mix until well combined. Spread mixture into pan. Bake for about 20-25 minutes until cake springs back when touched or toothpick comes out clean. Cool completely and frost. Icing: 3 oz. cream cheese, room temp. 1 stick butter, room temp. 1 tsp. vanilla 1 tsp. orange zest (optional) 2 cups powdered sugar Beat together until smooth.

Pumpkin Pound Cake
2 1/2 cups sugar 1 cup vegetable oil 3 large eggs 2 tsp baking soda 3 cups all purpose flour 1 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp nutmeg 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 (generous!) tsp cloves 1 15 oz can pumpkin Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large mixing bowl blend sugar and oil. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Combine all dry ingredients; add to egg mixture alternately with pumpkin. Mix to combine. Pour mixture into a well greased 12 cup fluted pan (bundt pan) and bake for 60-65 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan. Cool completely on a wire rack and dust with confectioners sugar.

Pumpkin Cream Chesse Muffins
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons brown sugar

4 1/2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
5 tablespoons white sugar
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons chopped pecans

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups white sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 1/3 cups canned pumpkin
1/3 cup olive oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease and flour 18 muffin cups, or use paper liners.
To make the filling: In a medium bowl, beat cream cheese until soft. Add egg, vanilla and brown sugar. Beat until smooth, then set aside.
For the streusel topping: In a medium bowl, mix flour, sugar, cinnamon and pecans. Add butter and cut it in with a fork until crumbly. Set aside.
For the muffin batter: In a large bowl, sift together flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. Make a well in the center of flour mixture and add eggs, pumpkin, olive oil and vanilla. Beat together until smooth.
Place pumpkin mixture in muffin cups about 1/2 full. Then add one tablespoon of the cream cheese mixture right in the middle of the batter. Try to keep cream cheese from touching the paper cup. Sprinkle on the streusel topping.
Bake at 375 degrees F (195 degrees C) for 20 to 25 minutes.

Source: Paula Deen 2 pkg. (14 oz. each) gingerbread mix 1 (5.1 oz.) pkg. cook & serve vanilla pudding mix 1 (30 oz.) can pumpkin pie filling 1/2 cup packed brown sugar 1/3 tsp. ground cardamom or cinnamon 1 (12 oz.) container frozen Cool Whip topping, thawed 1/2 cup gingersnaps, crushed (optional) Bake gingerbread according to pkg. directions; cool completely. Meanwhile, prepare the pudding and set aside to cool. Stir pumpkin pie filling, sugar, and cardamom into the pudding. Crumble one batch gingerbread into bottom of a large pretty glass bowl or punch bowl. Pour 1/2 of the pudding mixture over the gingerbread, then add a layer of Cool Whip. Repeat with the remaining gingerbread, pudding, and Cool Whip. Sprinkle over the top with crushed gingersnaps, if desired. Refrigerate. (Instead of the cook and serve pudding I use two small pkgs of instant french vanilla pudding. Also, to save money I have made my own gingerbread from a recipe instead of the box mixes. )

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

10 weeks (really, this time!)

We have made it to 10 weeks today-according to the sonogram calculations! Yay! I found this picture yesterday, it's a 3-d (maybe 4-d), at the bbc news website. I hope it's ok that I attach their photo here....look at this it's really so amazing! This is what our baby looks like at 10 weeks! These kind of photos just make it so real. This pregnancy has been such a roller-coaster, and I think I am finally settling down and starting to have some peace. I can't believe we get to take care of another baby like Katie again. She was so amazing and beautiful, and wonderful, and wow-just a piece of heaven...I can't believe we're blessed to do it again!

Monday, September 10, 2007

Our baby is ok!

Oh my gosh, I can't even believe it. Kris called Dr.'s office on Friday, to see what the blood test results were. They had to check and call us back. The nurse called back and said that my hormones were "high" so they wanted me to go to the hospital on Monday for a better sonogram. Kris told them that we couldn't possibly wait until Monday, because we were already so devestated. She called and got us in for Friday. We went to the hospital and the technician decided to do a belly sonogram first. She found it immediately! We were able to see the head and bottom, and most importantly, the beating heart (172 bpm)! We are so incredibly relieved, shocked, amazed, and just downright happy-we feel so blessed! We are not as far along as I had calculated, but the technician said that's really common for ladies whose cycles are irregular. On Friday, we were 8 weeks and 3 days along. Our new due date is April 15th-so 4 days before Katie's birthday! She is thrilled. Her faith was unwaivering-the entire time I was so incredibly heartbroken and sad-she kept saying that she knew there had to be a baby in there. There is! We are thrilled!

Friday, September 07, 2007


I am heartbroken...again. We had a sonogram to check on everything with our pregnancy yesterday, and there is nothing there. No baby, no sac, no placenta, nothing at all. All three pregnancy tests that I took were false positives, I guess. I really don't understand it. I am trying so hard to keep trusting God. It is so difficult. I really would like my faith to grow stronger, but I don't understand why this has to be the way to go about it. I really just don't understand. I had another blood test yesterday, and I am supposed to call today to find out where my hormone levels are at, and at that point she will decide what to do next, I guess. My emotions have been completely out of control for the past 15 hours since we found out. I guess I am happy that if there never was a baby there, then that probably means no baby had to die. Kris and Katie have been so excited, and we had been so happy that we had made it this far along, without complications. Our parents are going to be so sad, we've already told so many people, because we thought for sure we were almost finished with the 1st trimester. I've had morning sickness, tiredness, everything...and it was all just my imagination. I feel so foolish, and I know people will talk about my foolishness. This is so incredibly difficult. I am just so sad, not really for me, but for Katie and Kris. They wanted this baby so badly, and were both so excited. Kris thought it was a boy, Katie wanted a girl, and I really didn't care, I just wanted a baby. We had already picked out names, Kooper James, or Asher, and Klaire. We had already made plans for the room, for so many things. I really wish I could have found out sooner that there was nothing there, just to save everyone from being so sad. It seems like everyday that went by, we got more attached and excited. We talked about it constantly. All day yesterday, and really, I've kind of had it in the back of my mind the whole time, that there would be nothing there. I guess God was preparing me for it. Even the day that I took the pregnancy tests, it crossed my mind, because I read about perimenopausal women testing false positive. I am just still so sad. I should have heeded those warnings and been less naive. I feel very foolish for falling head over heals in love with someone who was never even there.

I think I am going to have to contact Dr. Miller when he recovers from heart problems and have my tubes tied. I just can't go through this, or put my family through this anymore. It's not fair to anyone, really. I have be to be pro-active, and take care of things to spare our family more disappointment.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Yellow Belt!

Katie received her yellow belt in karate last night. We are so proud of her! She really is enjoying karate, and we are happy to have her in something that is so good for her. We're proud of you, Sis!
In other news with our sweet pea-she has accepted Jesus into her heart and had asked our pastor a couple of weeks ago when she could be baptized, and she told him she wanted to do it "right away!" so she will be being baptized this Sunday evening. She wrote her testimony for Kris to read during her baptism:
"I want to be baptized because I do believe in God and that I want to be sure about God. I believe that God is powerful and strong. I know Heaven is good, and I want to go there. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and he lives in my heart."
Aren't those beautiful words coming from a 7 year old-wow-she amazes me sometimes! She really does have a child-like faith that Kris and I need to learn from every day!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

11 weeks and rolling right along!

We are 11 weeks pregnant today! Yay! We've made it two weeks further than in our last pregnancy. We saw the doctor last week, and I'm seeing her again this Thursday. She wants to really monitor my blood sugar closely. She said she would do a sonogram this week, just to make sure baby's ok, and my due date is accurate. My due date, by the way, is March 25th! Katie really wanted it to be born in April like her, and chances are, she may get her wish. Katie was born 9 days after she was due, and that was because we MADE her come out by induction! She weighed 9#2oz...big, big, baby girl...I can only imagine what a boy would weigh!

This morning I was feeling a little stressed, about finances, our disorganized home, about our baby being ok. Thankfully, Kris reminded me to pray and read the Bible. These are the verses that the Lord led me to today, and I wanted to share them here.

1 Peter 5:7-9ish
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. RESIST HIM, standing firm in the FAITH...

How appropriate and comforting is that? I was so anxious--about everything, but I had not prayed or read the Bible. God is good, all the time, and ALL the time, God is good.

We're still praying for Tim Holsinger. He continues to make progress from his head injuries sustained while in a motorcycle accident.