Tuesday and Wednesday were really difficult days for me. Today is going to be better. I think I am starting to get a new perspective of what I am supposed to do about working/staying home, etc. I am still praying that God will guide me, and give me the strength and courage to do his will. I am so incredibly blessed to have that blonde haired super smiley beautiful girl, Katie, and my sweet cuddly blue eyed handsome boy Asher. I couldn't ask for a more supportive and loving husband...I think I have all I really need right there in those three people. I love them so much. I am blessed.
Asher started daycare today. I remember when Katie went, even when she was tiny, she called it "school". It was a difficult day for me. I had a meeting in Pittsburg and cried almost all the way there. Then I cried almost all the way home. I think the people at the daycare thought I was a nut, but I couldn't help it. I was just overcome with grief. Not because I didn't think they could take care of him, but because I know he needs me, his mom, the most. I am just overwhelmed by confusion, really, because I don't understand God's plan for us. I don't know what I am supposed to do. Tonight I prayed for God to just come and sit with me for a while, and give me some kind of comfort, but he didn't come, I never felt his presence. I wasn't even asking for "my way" this time, just for him to be there with me. I don't understand, really, I just don't understand. O Lord, please just come and hold me. I need you and I need comfort and hope. It's just been a rough day.
I have been praying for God to "just send me an email" so I can understand his will for me. I've joked that I just need a neon sign, a phone call, anything so I can just ask him what to do. Today this devotion was in my inbox. There could have been no more perfect devotion for me than this. I have been struggling so incredibly much with trusting God. I have just been a mess. I have been angry with him, I have been depressed, I have been completely overcome with sadness at the thought of leaving Asher in daycare, figuring out our financial difficulties, and with family problems. Today I called Noah's where Katie "grew-up" and they had an opening. They usually have a waiting list, so I called back and asked if Asher could have the opening. His first day is tomorrow. It is breaking my heart that my own financial mistakes are standing in the way of him spending his days with me, but I am going to try to keep waiting on the Lord, trusting Him, and obeying Him...something will work out. Please, O Lord, help me to trust you, and keep loving you even when my heart is breaking.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Luke 12:34 (NIV)
Devotion: Say the word “test” and most people cringe. That’s because tests bring undue stress and pressure that we’d rather live without. Nonetheless, tests have many purposes. They analyze our intelligence or skill; determine what we have learned, and reveal who we are. Then there are spiritual tests. They often try our faith and commitment to God.
Remember the story of Abraham and his beloved son, Isaac, found in Genesis chapter 22? Pause to read it if you haven’t. Through Isaac God was going to build a nation! Can you imagine the pride Abraham must have had for his son? Nothing makes me prouder than to see one of my children succeed, and Abraham knew God had great plans for his son. What on earth could go wrong—especially with a promised child?
You and I both know a lot can go wrong. We’ve probably stood in Abraham’s sandals once or twice in our life times too. And like Abraham, we’ve clung to the promises of God. Yet, sickness lingers, financial troubles invade, friends betray us, and eventually death calls. How do we respond?
Abraham responded with great love, trust, and commitment when God asked for his only son to be sacrificed. Don’t think it was easy for him. Just because you and I know the outcome of the story doesn’t mean Abraham did. He had to trust God every step of the way. Abraham’s mind must have been plagued with thoughts such as, “This doesn’t make sense, Lord.” “You promised, Lord.” “Help me, Lord.”
Determined to obey God no matter the cost, Abraham prepared to take his son’s life. In that dramatic moment, and just in the nick of time, God called from heaven and released both the child and Abraham from the test.
It was only a test. God never wanted the death of Isaac. He wanted the surrendered heart of Abraham. Just as God planned, the test revealed Abraham’s undying love and commitment to God. I believe that Abraham’s faith was expanded too that day in the sufficiency and care of his loving Father.
Unfortunately, this is an area God will always test you and me. More than anything God wants our whole and committed hearts. As painful as some tests are, God is using them to grow us into all He has designed us to be. When our trials don’t make sense, we can trust God. He has promised to set limits on our trials—to walk with us in the midst of them, and to bring forth good.
The question for you and me today is this. When God doesn’t behave like we think He should, when it seems like He has turned the other way and broken every promise, will we still love and trust Him?
When the pregnancy test is negative, will you still love Him? When your loved one dies, will you still love Him? When the job interview falls flat, will you still love Him? When no treatment can be found, will you still love Him?
Dear Lord, I’m guilty of chasing your blessings more than chasing after You. You are all I need. I recommit my heart to you and I will trust you in my present situation. May your will—not mine—be done, In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
I forgot to mention that Asher started laughing yesterday! It was so stinkin' cute! I was rubbing his tummy, and touched his ribs and he started laughing out loud! Katie thought it was so funny! He's just a precious little dude! We all love him so very much!
1. Asher gets "three scoops" of formula in his 4 ounce bottle. 2. The laundry pile is 3 feet tall...and I'm not kidding. 3. The dish pile is 1 foot tall...not kidding about that either. 4. Taco Inn becomes the daily menu. 5. Stargate Atlantis marathons run continuously.
I have gone back to work, and things are just not the same without me. Kris has been doing an awesome job with the kids while I go on my home visits and to the office, but the routine, consistency, and cleanliness of our home has declined...just a little.
In all honesty, I am trying to see humor in something that actually breaks my heart. Lord, please, please, please move in our lives (before the Raith invade!)
I am trying to wait, trust and obey. It's really hard to do those things. I so badly want to stay at home with my children, but I feel like the Lord is telling me to wait on Him, to trust Him, and to obey Him. Kris and I have decided to pray continually until the Lord moves. I am going to be persistent, but wait, trust, and obey while I'm doing it.
This morning I read a few passages from the Bible, from an old sermon from Pastor Hendrix, and I said a prayer for God to reveal himself to me through his word this morning. I opened the Bible randomly, and it opened to the story about the three men who refused to worship an idol and were thrown into the firey furnace, only to be saved by an angel of God. I can't spell their names so I am referring to them in their veggie tales names (in the title). God, who is mighty and powerful, and everlasting and perfect and holy, can take care of me and my little family too. If we hold strong to our faith and belief in HIM, we can get through anything. I meet with my supervisor today, to talk about options for me to stay at home with my children. I am really not sure what will happen. I am TRUSTING GOD with all of my heart, that HE will show me the way, and will work in our lives TODAY! Even if I need to leave my position completely, and have no job, I know he will take care of us. He is faithful and loves us more than we can imagine. Thank you, O Lord, for your care and love for us.
Asher is 3 months old today! It's so hard to believe that he is growing so fast! He is amazing and precious and wonderful. He is a smiling machine and he has started to giggle a little bit now and then. He has learned to blow bubbles and says "Gooooo" and "Booooo" all of the time! He kicks his legs like crazy when he is super happy about something. He has started to show a little temper and has a screachy cry when we are burping him between halves of his bottle. He is wearing 3-6 months clothing already, so he is on pace with big sister to be a BIG baby! We are all so in love with our little dude. I will post some photos this evening, I'm hoping to get some good ones this afternoon.
I have been thinking of the way that God provides for us. We have had some tiny extra blessings lately (diapers and baby food given to us, a beautiful sunset, lots of other tiny, wonderful things) that I know are just His way of giving us sweet little kisses on our foreheads. You know the kind...the ones that we just plant on our kids' heads randomly and without a thought...just to let them know we love them? Tonight in our small group study we talked about God's provision. It seems strange to even doubt that God does not have everything we need under control. He does have it in his hands. I head back to work full time tomorrow, and I am praying that His provision will be clear and I can return home to be with my kiddos soon. Please help me trust in You, O Lord.
1 can shoepeg corn 15 oz. can black beans, rinsed and drained 3-4 tomatoes, diced fine 1/2 c. green peppers, chopped fine 1/2 c. red onion, chopped fine 3/4 c. Italian dressing 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper 3/4 tsp. chili powder 3/4 tsp. garlic powder 2 tsp. cilantro salt and pepper
Mix all together. Let stand in fridge several hours before serving. Serve with Tostitos Scoops.
Our sweet girl learned to ride her big bike without training wheels this week! It was amazing. She found out that daycare was going to have bike day today, and insisted that we get the bike out and try it so she could take it today. I got it out for her, and she instantly figured it out! I was shocked! So we're on the hunt for a helmet. I may check at garage sales, but we may splurge and buy one at WM for $13.96. We're going to be on the hunt for a baby bike seat too, so we can all ride together. Katie has also been swimming in the 13' water all this week at swimming lessons. She has done so well, and doesn't seem afraid of the water.
I have been working on the budget, and am within a couple hundred dollars of being able to give notice at work and become a stay at home mom. I went back to work this week, and it has been nice in some ways to be back, but I have missed the kids, and I can feel the demands and stress mounting already. Asher has had "blow-ups" (Katie's term) in his diapers all three days, and I think it's from having his routine disrupted. I have been praying for some confirmation from the Lord, I just want His blessing. I know he has plans for us, and more than anything I want to be obedient.
Let me see if I can find some pictures from this week.
Hello! Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope you will grab a cup of coffee or a glass of iced tea and stay a while! I started this little blog in 2005 and am amazed sometimes to look back and see God's hand, his blessings and his mercy in the course of these last 11 years! He has truly blessed our family beyond measure! My husband Kris and I have been married for 18 years and we have three amazing kiddos, Katie, Asher, and Claire! I enjoy homemaking, crafting, trying new recipes, and mostly just being a "mama" all while on a super tight budget! Please feel free to browse through our archives! I hope you'll leave with a new idea or just a bit of joy! Thanks again for visiting!