I have to admit that I have been struggling a lot with anxiety and depression the past couple of weeks on and off. Some days/hours are good, and I feel calm and happy, and others it's all I can do to not just run away and scream or crawl in bed and cry. It's so hard to admit that I am not just a perfectly chipper mom who always does the right thing. When I was younger, I had visions of what I might be as a mom, and truthfully, I am not that mom yet, but I still desire to be...I want to be full of grace, kindness and wisdom, but most of the time I find myself anxious, grumpy, and speaking/yelling too quickly. My mom had those same problems when she was a young mother, but now she says that if she could go back, she would just relax, and not worry about everything so much. She says that now she realizes that time goes by so fast, and she feels like maybe she shouldn't have sweated the small stuff. I want so much to learn from that, but I still struggle...I just struggle. I know that I need to be IN THE WORD...every single day, and PRAYING every single day, but I just make excuses.
Lord, I just want to pray right here and now for YOUR grace, wisdom, patience, and goodness to permeate my very heart, my soul, everything that I am. Lord, I just want to be filled with your love for my children, my husband, my family, and even for strangers. Please free me from the bondages of sin, anger, anxiety, and depression. You know me inside and out Lord, you know my comings and goings, every move I make, every thought I have, and you hear every word that comes out of my mouth. Lord, please forgive me and cleanse me, help me recommit my life to you today, Lord, right now. I want to be all that you want me to be, as a mother, daughter, wife, and friend. Lord, I say yes to you today. In your precious name I pray, Amen.
23 hours ago