Friday, December 17, 2010

This mama's prayer.

I have to admit that I have been struggling a lot with anxiety and depression the past couple of weeks on and off. Some days/hours are good, and I feel calm and happy, and others it's all I can do to not just run away and scream or crawl in bed and cry.  It's so hard to admit that I am not just a perfectly chipper mom who always does the right thing. When I was younger, I had visions of what I might be as a mom, and truthfully, I am not that mom yet, but I still desire to be...I want to be full of grace, kindness and wisdom, but most of the time I find myself anxious, grumpy, and speaking/yelling too quickly. My mom had those same problems when she was a young mother, but now she says that if she could go back, she would just relax, and not worry about everything so much.  She says that now she realizes that time goes by so fast, and she feels like maybe she shouldn't have sweated the small stuff.  I want so much to learn from that, but I still struggle...I just struggle.  I know that I need to be IN THE WORD...every single day, and PRAYING every single day, but I just make excuses.

Lord, I just want to pray right here and now for YOUR grace, wisdom, patience, and goodness to permeate my very heart, my soul, everything that I am.  Lord, I just want to be filled with your love for my children, my husband, my family, and even for strangers.  Please free me from the bondages of sin, anger, anxiety, and depression.  You know me inside and out Lord, you know my comings and goings, every move I make, every thought I have, and you hear every word that comes out of my mouth.  Lord, please forgive me and cleanse me, help me recommit my life to you today, Lord, right now.  I want to be all that you want me to be, as a mother, daughter, wife, and friend.  Lord, I say yes to you today.  In your precious name I pray, Amen.

3 comments:

MarytheKay said...

Karrie,

What a beautiful post! Thanks for being transparent about something we ALL struggle with. Well, at least something I struggle with. Sometimes, I hear frustrated words come out of my mouth, and I think, "Is that really my ugly voice? Are those words really coming out of my mouth." You are SO right--I need to be in the Word more, I need to be bathed in prayer every single day.


Thank you so much for a good reminder today.

I pray your family is having a special Christmas week! :-)

Mrs.Rabe said...

Karrie,

I used to be a yeller. sigh.

God in His grace has helped me.

Have you heard of a book called "Shepherding A Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp? It is excellent! I highly recommend it.

Merry Christmas!
Deanna

Deanna said...

My children are grown these days and the challenges are so different at my age.

The main thing is that you are praying.

God bless you and I said a prayer for you.

Sometimes a woman's surging hormones can trigger depression, anxiety, and thoughts of not being a good enough momma, etc.

May you cheer up and feel so much better.

Thinking of you,
d from homehaven